Basket Case
by Stac1043
Summary: AU. Confident Rae joins the gang and has a profound effect on two of the boys.
1. Chapter One

Summary: AU. Confident Rae joins the gang and has a profound effect on two of the boys.

Finn sat at the table sipping on his pint. He let his eyes glide around the table as he observed his mates around him. A smile began to break through as he listened to Chop bang on about Boys II Men's _I'll Make Love to You_ and how it was a definite panty-dropper and got him laid by Janice Abbington two days earlier whilst her parents were away. A laugh bubbled up in his chest as he rolled his eyes and hid the smile with a gulp of Fosters.

Chop was one of his best mates but he could natter on for hours about the most random shit that pops up in his head and then out his mouth whether it was appropriate or not. Hell, the week before, he'd gone on for a solid two hours on properly changing oil in a car – even though it was Finn that proper taught him. Chop was the kind of person that you'd expect to be a bit rough but was the most loyal and nicest guy with an infectious laugh.

His eyes then settled on Archie who sat with his face buried in a textbook and pride swelled in his chest at the image. Archie was practically his brother as they grew up next door to each other. He was the historian of the bunch; always quoting famous people, making references, and getting real peeved at inaccuracies dare he ever find them. And, boy, did he look for them. Finn knew he was gonna to well in on his A-levels this coming year and he'd get into nearly any uni he would apply to.

That bright red hair paired with heart shaped sunnies and intricately patterned clothes belonged to one of the three women in his life that have stolen his heart. Now, Finn wasn't a sappy guy, but there wasn't anything he wouldn't do for Izzy. Izzy, the poor girl, who had it bad for a certain oblivious lad by the name of Arnold Peters; an excitable, eccentric girl who could cheer up absolutely anyone with just a grin and was currently listening to Chop with rapt attention as switched to the purpose of spark plugs.

Chloe was introduced by Izzy after they met in choir a few months ago and had since become another fixture in the gang. Her parents raised her in Stamford but the previous year, due to a job offer for her father, they had to move to Liverpool and came back mid-term. She started off a bit shaky when Izzy brought her around to one of Chop's parties but quickly found her voice in her many arguments with Chop about cars. They always tended to be one of the conversations that are amusing from the sidelines, but when they try and pull the others in and force them to take sides is another story; because hidden beneath her pretty clothes and painted nails was a mechanic that could give Chop a run for his money.

Now Finn? He was an observer, preferring to just watch everyone else rather than talk. He knew how Archie unconsciously stuck his tongue out slightly on the side of his mouth as he concentrated on his book and you could be warned a quote or lecture was coming because he'd use one finger to push his glasses back up the bridge of his nose before he started. He saw Izzy's lips pucker each time she looked at Chop and every look of heartbreak when he talked about his latest conquests. Chop, himself, was seen touching Izzy at least five times throughout the day (two were the hug and kiss goodbye that were reserved only for her) and how his parents have been twats when he's seen gnawing on his left thumbnail. Whilst he still hadn't really figured out Chloe, he did see her sitting up straighter each time a bloke walked by and the look of dejection on her face when they didn't spare her a glance.

He didn't say much unless necessary but, like Chop (in general) and Archie about history, once you get him started, he could just go on and on. Finn was very expressive with his hands – on might even say it's the Italian in him. He'd notice when he was overdoing it when he'd see Chop mimicking him by waving his hands dramatically through the air causing Finn to pause and look at where his hands would be and there were times when they were well above his head or stretched out in front of him. He'd laugh and smack Chop in response.

"For fuck's sake, Chop!" Chloe shouted exasperatedly.

He looked at her with his brows furrowed and his mouth gaping open properly displaying his gap. "Wha'?"

Chloe put her face in her hands. "Shut up about the spark plugs," she growled.

Archie sighed and looked up from his book about D-Day to glare at the both of them whilst Finn pulled a few pence pieces out of his pocket and started stacking them on their sides out of boredom.

"And here we go," Izzy sing-songed and took a sip of her bottled drink through the bendy straw making Finn smile and wink at her. She scrunched her nose back at him and giggled.

He looked back down and continued to work on his tower, blocking out the sound of Chop and Chloe's arguing to sing along in his head to the song on the jukebox that sat nearby. The last bit of I _Wanna Be Adored_ was going when two giggly blondes stopped with their margaritas in front and put a coin into the slot and selected a song. When the first note of a bubblegum pop rang through the pub Finn froze and shuddered at the same time the others winced and looked at Finn.

"Finn, don't start, okay?" Izzy started soothingly. "Go outside and I'll come get you when it's over, yeah?" She reached over and rubbed his arm soothingly. He took a deep breath and put his hands on the table to push himself up when, over the sound of the music, a loud voice started shouting.

"Fuck no! Absolutely not!"

It seemed everyone in the pub turned to see at a black-haired girl shoot up from her table and angrily make her way over to the jukebox. Finn watched on with fascination as she ignored the stares and bent down to pull the plug from the outlet from right beside him, stopping the horrid song, and then plugged it back in. He was speechless.

She stood and reached into her pocket of her leather jacket and pulled out 20p. She rested her left hand on the window as she searched quickly through the lists whilst her right hand dropped the coin in the slot. Finn saw her eyes light up and a smirk grace her face as she punched in the track code. Green Day's _Basket Case_ started as her eyes closed and she sighed happily, resting her right hand on her chest. It reminded him of when he'd take that first drag of one of his rollies. Calming and relieving.

"Much better," she mumbled to herself causing Finn to grin. Not only did this girl have great taste in music but

Both of the blondes that had chosen the Backstreet Boys song glared at her. "What the hell?!"

"This is a _pub _not a goddamn_ club_," she said simply as she felt around her pockets but her hands came up empty. She looked around and set her eyes on Finn's tower he was so careful to construct. She reached over and snagged one of the 20p bits from the base of the tower causing it to topple and the other coins to spill over the table and a few to roll onto the floor. Ignoring Finn's exclamation of "Hey!" she flicked the coin at the girls who fumbled to catch it. "There. Have a nice day, ladies," she said.

"Rae!" the table then turned to Chloe. What the hell was going on? Finn was getting confused at all that was going on in the span of a just a couple minutes.

"Hiya, Chloe!" Chloe stood up from the table and ran to hug her.

"How was Liverpool?" Rae asked, grinning. Chloe rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out with a disgusted look causing Rae to laugh.

"Guys, this is Rae Earl! She's my bestie from school," Chloe squealed excitedly.

"Hiya," Rae greeted the table.

Chop waved from his seat. "I'm Chop," he grinned. "We've got Izzy, Archer, and our grumpy boy Finnigan," he said pointing to everyone respectively.

Finn shot Chop a dark look and sneered at him. "Finn," he corrected.

A curly haired bloke appeared beside Chloe's friend. "Ready to go?" he asked gruffly.

Rae turned to him and shook her head. "Guys, this is Liam," she introduced. Liam didn't even acknowledge the others but just kept his eyes on Rae. "I want to go," he said, an Irish accent evident.

"Hold up, Liam. I'm catching up with my mate here," she said said. He groaned and leaned against the jukebox with his arms crossed over his chest like a petulant little child that didn't get his way. Rae rolled her eyes again, Finn had noticed. That must be her thing.

"You look amazing, Rae," Chloe said.

Of course Finn then had to then take his eyes and drag them up and down her body, stopping both times on her chest. But just as he was about to reach her eyes he heard a snort from Liam. Rae pursed her lips and turned to face him. She mirrored his stance with her arms over her chest.

"Did you say something?" she asked snarkily.

"Nope," Liam said.

"That's funny because I could have sworn I heard a noise coming from you," she said. "Just fuck off, Liam. I'm _way_ beyond done with your bullshit."

Izzy gasped but Rae ignored her.

"Whatever," he said pushing off of the jukebox. "Have fun finding someone else to fuck. As if that's gonna happen, you fat, frigid bitch."

"Watch what you say to-" Rae raised her hand to stop Chop and gave him a thankful smile before turning back to Liam.

Finn looked at Chloe who had a smirk on her face. He caught her eye and started to open his mouth but closed it when she gave him a slight shake of the head.

"What makes you think I can't get a different boyfriend?"

"_Even rapists have standards._"

With that, all three of the guys stood quickly from the table, their chairs shoved hard either into the wall or down to the floor. They immediately flanked Rae on either side, Chop in front of Rae.

Liam flinched ever so slightly.

"You thick fuck," Rae laughed. "Do you even realize you just said you were more desperate than a fucking _rapist_?"

She put her hand on Chop's shoulder and gently moved him out of the way so she could stand directly in front of Liam. Chop didn't want to budge but with Chloe's hand on his arm, he moved into a position so he could get between them two if needed.

"You can take your dick pump and Viagra and fuck off," she said, causing him to turn red with anger.

He stared at her a moment longer before he finally walked off. No one moved until he was finally out the door.

"Thanks guys," Rae said sheepishly.

"What the fuck was that all about?" Chop asked worriedly.

"A boyfriend I needed to get rid of for a while. He didn't deserve me and I shouldn't have lowered myself so much," she said. "Mind if I join you lot?"

Archie smiled and pulled a chair over from a neighbouring table. Finn was speechless yet again. The next couple hours was spent on Chloe and Rae catching up and getting to know the gang's new crew member. They were getting ready to leave when Finn spoke for the first time.

"You owe me 20p, Mae," he said, purposefully messing up her name. He wanted to sound like she didn't have an effect.

She smiled at him. "Calm your tits, Gilligan. Your next piña colada's on me, yeah?" She laughed lightly and walked with Chloe and Izzy out the door of the pub followed by Chop and Archie.

He stood in place for a moment. "It's- It's Finnigan," he said to himself before grabbing his jacket and making his way outside. "_Finn_. Dammit."


	2. Chapter Two

Heads up: Becca has already called dibs on Havok. Sorry, guys.

The thing about being an observer is when you notice the littlest of things. You spend your time watching others interact and you retain each tick in your memory.

Whilst Finn wasn't the easiest to get along with, he found new people to be the most interesting. Like Rae. That night as he lay in bed trying to go to sleep, the image of her made itself a permanent spot in his mind. The black hair that framed her face and curled ever so slightly so when she leaned forwards it didn't block her vision, the way her mouth bowed at the top and how, when she smiled, one corner went up further than the other giving her a crooked smile.

Then there were her eyes. Whiskey in colour, Rae's eyes were what gave everything away. It was in the few short hours he knew her, he'd already decided that the glint that was there when she called him 'Gilligan' was his favorite. At the same time, he disdainfully remembered seeing her walking back from the bathroom and the slight puffiness that appeared around her eyes. His heart rate quickened and his fist clenched around his pint as he forced himself to not get up and just hold her…And then go and knock out that little fucker, Liam.

He loved watching her lips as she talked. She liked to use her hands whilst she did so; just like Finn. He smiled as he lay on his stomach with his face buried into the pillow. Wasn't only meeting her a few hours ago too early for such a deep infatuation to start? For him to want her so badly that she consumed his every thought? He smile disappeared as he scrunched his face and groaned. A low whine came from beside him and a wet nose prodded at his armpit.

Havok.

He turned his head to the side so he could face his pup in perfect timing to a lick being administered to his cheek. He raised his hand to wipe the slobber away before petting Havok's soft head. His boy's eyes closed as his tongue lolled out the side of his mouth. Finn removed his hand causing Havok to bark and rest a paw on Finn's arm.

"Shh!" Finn admonished pulling him closer.

"Try and get some sleep, Finn," he heard his father call across the corridor.

"Sorry, Da'. Goodnight."

"G'night, Finn." Another bark escaped Havok. "Nighty night to you, too, Havok," his dad laughed.

Finn turned so he was lying on his side, spooning Havok and rest his arm across the dog's soft fur. "Night, Havok," he murmured as he closed his eyes. Havok licked his face again before settling it at Finn's chest who fell asleep to his pup's heart beating beneath his hand.

It was a little after 4am when Finn was woken up by Havok's whining and paws nudging at his chest. He shot up in bed and rest his face in his hands as he tried to get his breathing under control. His pulse raced as he lifted his head and took a deep breath as he stared at the ceiling. Havok lay his head in Finn's lap and looked up with his different colored eyes. One was blue with a small patch of brown whilst the other was just brown and it made Havok even more adorable according to Finn.

Two years ago, Havok was the last pup alive in a box that had been abandoned on the side of the road. He'd been a mere five weeks old and very malnourished but was brought back to health by Finn who fostered him until he ultimately decided to adopt him. When Finn adopted him, his eyes were one, or two, of the reasons why he was so enamoured with the playful pup. Because when Havok looked up he was greeted by a green eye and a blue eye looking back at him. At least when Finn wasn't wearing his coloured contacts that made his eyes brown, that is. The rest of the time they were shielded by a pair of glasses.

It was still dark outside but Finn knew he wasn't going to be able to fall back asleep. He scratched Havok behind both ears and smiled at his dopey face.

"Wanna go for a run, bud?"

Havok scrambled up and ran to sit beside Finn's trainers, his paws bounced excitedly and his bum wriggled from the force of his tail wagging. Finn laughed at him and grabbed a change of clothes as he made his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth and put in his contacts.

Five minutes later Finn had left his dad a note and was making his way out the door behind Havok who charged out the front door without his lead.

In the middle of their run it had begun to rain so they started for home. Finn checked his watch and groaned when he saw that it was already 5:30am. When they made it to the house, Mr. Nelson was making a fry-up in his green scrubs.

"Morning, Da'," Finn greeted as he shed his jacket.

He unleashed Havok who ran up to Mr. Nelson and jumped up so his paws rested on his chest.

"Yes, hello, Havok," he cooed before pushing him down gently. "You smell like a wet dog. One might even say," he raised an eyebrow and look to Finn," it's _reaking Havok_."

Finn choked on his gulp of orange juice and rolled his eyes at his dad as he coughed.

"Good one, Da'," he sarcastically remarked.

"Thank you," he said as he dramatically bowed. Havok whined as he sat impatiently, his claws tapping on the wood floor. Mr. Nelson sighed good naturedly as he gave him a piece of bacon. "And that's all you get," he said sternly. "What are ya up to today?"

"Not much. Meeting the gang after I shower and then I've got my meeting in the afternoon. What's goin' on at work?"

"It's gonna be a long day. I've got two surgeries before I'm on the emergency shift with it being the weekend."

Mr. Nelson was the head-doctor at the local veterinary clinic and was in talks with the current owner about turning over the practice to him. That's how Finn got to foster Havok, actually. He examined the pup when he was brought into the clinic during the emergency hours and brought him home because there wouldn't be anyone there to keep a close eye on him overnight. And anyone who can resist a puppy's attempt at a bark or their squeal is someone lacking a heart, at least according to Mr. Nelson.

Of course, Finn agreed with him.

Full from the fry-up, Finn trudged up the stairs and grabbed another change of clean clothes but took a moment to look at the photo resting on the wall beside his door. It was his favorite photo. A seven-year-old Finn was being held by his mum whilst his dad kissed her cheek. It was one of few images he has of the three of them together. Not because they didn't take many but because she'd died a few days later. This picture had been taken the day before she was diagnosed with a brain aneurysm when she'd gone to the doctor for had headaches and constantly being sick. The family was really cut up about it but as a little boy, Finn didn't understand. He didn't even understand when his dad was crying and saying that his mummy had gone.

He was standing with his hands in his pocket outside the chippy listening to Chop and Archie argue about their predictions for Oasis' set list for the Knebworth gig. He was jolted out of his stupor by arms wrapping around his waist and red hair tickling his chin.

"Hey there, Finny-bug," Izzy greeted happily into his shoulder.

Finn brought his out of his pockets ad wrapped them tightly around Izzy's shoulder.

"Hiya, Brat," he kissed the top of her head and closed his eyes as he rested his head against hers as he whispered. "Tryin' to make a certain Mr. Chop jealous, are we?"

Izzy laughed and blushed, trying to hide her face even more. "No. I give up. I need to find someone who would appreciate me."

He rocked her side-to-side a bit as he spoke. "He appreciates you, Iz. Maybe he just doesn't know how far gone he is. _Or_ his family will disown him if he marries a _ginger_." Izzy laughed again and pinched his side causing him to jerk. "_Porca troia_! That fucking hurt," he said, loosening his hold on her shoulders slightly.

"Shove off, tosser," she giggled.

They heard Chop raising start to raise his voice. "Archibald, I love you, mate. You know I do, but Oasis ain't gonna be doin' _Wonderwall_ for encore. It's _Champagne Supernova_ or nothin'."

"Bollocks to that! You need to get over your obsession with that song," Archie shouted.

At this point, Izzy and Finn had separated so they were side-by-side looking on at the two amused. An arm still across her shoulders whilst hers were both still wrapped around his waist.

"When's your next scrimmage match?" she asked.

His heart started pumping harder at the excitement of football. "Tomorrow morning."

"Bring Havok! I want to play with him again. It's been way too long." Just like Finn, Havok had taken quite a liking to Izzy. So much so, that when Havok was with Izzy and Finn, he ignored Finn and focused all of his attention on her instead.

"He misses ya, too. I swear, sometimes when he whines it sounds like he's saying 'ginger'!"

"Dickhead."

"Love you, too. Let's go get some chips, yeah? My treat."

An annoyed Archie and proud Chop joined them at their table where they were waiting for their order.

"Hiya, Iz," Chop stopped behind her and hugged her before sitting in beside Archie across from them. Finn nudged her leg with his foot as he was sitting sideways in the chair and gave her a wink when she looked over.

After a few minutes of nonsensical nattering, Chloe walked in followed close behind by Rae. His heart lurched and turned in his seat to force himself not to look. Izzy moved to sit on Finn's lap whilst Chloe took her seat and Rae brought a chair over and sat at the head of the table.

"Alright?" she greeted with her melodious voice. Finn rolled his eyes at himself. Melodious? He was the only one to not respond and instead started playing with Izzy's bracelets and rings on her hand as a distraction.

"Ahoy, Gilligan," he heard.

He chanced a look. Her eyebrows were raised and there was a smirk gracing her lips. Her soft, soft lips… "Alright, Mae?"

"Why so down? Did your origami company fold?" The others burst out laughing but Finn couldn't hide the smile. "Did your biscuit company crumble?" The smile grew.

She dramatically slapped her hands on the table and looked worried. "Oh no! Don't tell me your new toilet design got flushing in the runnings!"

Fuck trying to look cool. He leaned his head back and gave a hearty laugh.

"Alright, alright!" he said. He looked at her again to see her eyes twinkling and saw the smirk was now a smile. She winked at him making his heart flutter.

Made his heart flutter? What the hell was wrong with him?

"We've got Finn's match tomorrow morning! You lot best be there. We're bringing Havok, too!" Izzy clapped excitedly at her mention of Havok.

"Who's Havok?" Rae asked.

"He's my pup," Finn grinned.

"Oh, I'm excited now!"

Finn was hurt. "_Sti cazzi!_ You weren't excited to watch me play?!" he teased.

"What the hell did you say?" Rae looked completely bewildered.

Chop interjected at that. "He likes to throw out foreign speak to sound intelligent because he's a fuckin' _knob_."

Finn kicked his shin underneath the table. "_Vaffanculo_!"

Chop flipped him off and rubbed his leg. "Damn. Fuckin' footballers."

Finn checked his watch. He had a half hour to get to his meeting.

"Right. I'm off," he said.

Izzy jumped off his lap to let him get up. He waved to the gang before hugging Izzy and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Later, Brat," he said.

"Tell me how it goes," she whispered to him. He nodded ever so slightly before making his way out to his motorcycle.

He hated waiting; especially when he didn't have anything to do, nothing to fiddle with. Instead he spent ten minutes playing with his watch before he heard his name.

He sat down, tense as he always is at the start of these meetings.

"So, Finn..." Kester said, taking a drag of his cigarette. "What have you been up to in the last week?"


	3. Chapter Three

_There will be music from 1997+._

_It's getting harder and harder to write this stuff. No matter what I write, I get to shaking real bad like and it feels like I'm nearing a panic attack. I'm trying to write this shit but I just don't know anymore._

_Didn't reread it._

* * *

Finn took a deep breath and counted to ten in an attempt to calm himself. He lifted his eyes to meet Kester's who was now sitting across from him.

"I, uh… I played a lot of football with the guys, hung out at the pub and wherever else with the gang, lots of boxing…" he shrugged. "And there's a new girl in the gang."

Kester tilted his head to the slide slightly and crossed his legs, his hands resting in his lap as he spoke. "What do you think of this new girl?"

"She's…" Finn was at a loss for words.

"How about her name for now, yeah?"

"Rae," Finn smiled as he looked out the window trying to conceal his upturned lips.

If Kester saw it (which he undoubtedly would have), he didn't say anything for which Finn was grateful.

"How are you coping with another person?"

Finn bit his lip and stared at his shaking hands. His anxiety would run on high and cause constant and uncontrollable tremors to run through his body and his voice to go weak. The words were always harder to get out after that point but his concentration on saying the words or even forming coherent thoughts waivered with the pointless attempt at calming himself. He let his head fall to his chest as he brought his hands to his head and dragged them roughly through his hair again and again whilst trying to control the breathing that was now becoming a problem.

"Finn, try to just breathe." Well, no shit, fucking Sherlock!

He grit his teeth and closed his eyes as tight as he could.

Why was he having such a reaction to a simple question? Why couldn't he just be a normal person and not be riddled with anxiety constantly?

It took him ten minutes to regroup. He was still shaking slightly, but he was breathing steadily and reached into his satchel to grab a water bottle that he drained within seconds.

"Why bother getting attached to people when you know they're going to leave you at some point?" he asked gruffly. "I can't handle that. I've already got plenty of people I'll never let go. I've got me da', me nan, Izzy, Havok, the rest of the gang… That's all I need!"

He'd left one person out on purpose. He didn't want to admit he was already attached beyond belief to Rae despite only knowing her for about 24 hours. He couldn't right handle that today.

"What about this Rae, though? She's joined in with you and your mates and it seems like she'll be around for a while."

Fuck.

Finn looked up and glared at Kester. "_I don't fucking know_," he said slowly. "For all we know, I could be the one leaving instead."

Kester leaned his head back as if challenging Finn. "What do you mean by that, Finn?"

Finn bit his lower lip and it slide from between his teeth as he sneered. "Nothing."

He turned his head to his left to stare at the window to outside, to freedom, as he unconsciously began scratching at his arms where the scars he carved into his arms rest beneath his sleeves. One crept to the skin over his heart as he watched a squirrel scamper around the branches of a tree.

"Answer me, Finn," Kester said gently.

His eyes stayed on the squirrel as unwanted tears rolled down his red cheeks but he didn't bother trying to wipe them away or make them stop.

"Finn," Kester prompted again.

"I'm scared, okay?!" he shouted.

It went silent.

"It's been 12 years but I'm still scared. I'm scared about how much I care for Rae already." He swallowed hard and continued in a whisper. "I'm scared of life." Tears were flowing at a faster pace as he turned to Kester. "What if I never get better?"

"It's a lifelong process. If you keep working-"

"How long do I have to fear going to sleep? I just want it all to stop! I want to be able to go to sleep and not have to wake up at 4 in the morning with Havok's slobber all over my face because I was having another nightmare! I get about two hours each night."

"Have you been taking your-"

"Fuck the medication! Four tablets to get to sleep so I can have nightmares and another two in the morning along with the vitamins. _They don't work_," he pleaded with Kester to understand.

"I'll speak with Dr. Nick about the meds. Right now, what else is on your mind? Out of everything, what is the most prominent?" he forward with his elbows resting on his legs with his hands clasped together.

Finn thought for a moment, scratching at his arms again.

"Why does no one love me?" he asked quietly.

"You have many people who love you, Finn. Those that you said you'd never let go… they'll never let you go either."

"But no one will ever be _in_ love with me. When they see my scars and know about the last 17 years, they'll turn and run. Who would love someone as messed up as me?"

"One thing that you need to understand is that people can accept you for who you are or they can fuck off. What about Izzy? Did she run away from you or is she still here?"

"No." Finn smiled as he thought of his precious Izzy. "She cried and hugged me – her eyes matched her hair. Said if I ever tried to kill myself again she'd knock me arse out," he let out a small laugh before moving his eyes back to Kester. "But she's me best mate. I don't love her like that."

"No, but she's still here, isn't she?"

Finn nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, she is," he said as he tried to wipe away the tears that just kept flowing.

"Is that what you want? To be in love?"

"I just want to love someone who loves me back just the same and spend the rest of our lives together. I want to be normal."

"You _are_ normal, Finn. Your scars don't define you. That's how you learned to cope with your past and your emotions. But, _now,_ now you're learning to change that."

Finn examined his covered arms. "But they'll always be there… They're the only way to make it stop even for a little bit. I can't even sleep to get away from it all! I just know one way to make it go away forever," he sobbed. "I don't even know if I want to try to 'work on it' anymore."

"Don't give up hope. There will be a day in the future when you're in love and you're doing better. Push yourself to get there. You just have to _work_ for it."

The only thing Finn could hear was his pulse in his ears as his hands moved from his hair so he could check the time on his watch. Without a 'goodbye,' he grabbed his satchel and strode quickly out the door, letting it slam behind him.

He avoided his reflection in any surface as he made his way to his motorcycle and pulled the helmet over his head. He straddled the bike and clenched his fingers as the shaking started again.

"Stop!" he yelled. "_Cazzo_!"

He turned the key and kick started the bike as the visor slowly fogged up and clouded his vision. He gave the throttle a twist in neutral, his adrenaline pumping with the feel of the engine rumbling between his calves, before changing gears and speeding off.

He pulled recklessly into his driveway beside his dad's car and angrily shut off the engine. Storming into the house, he ignored his dad's greeting and (hoarsely) called for Havok as he made his way up the stairs but first stopping in the bathroom. He braced his hands on the sink and stared at his face in the mirror for a moment. His eyes were bright red and puffy, irritated from the contacts' dislike for tears and his attempts to clear them. The skin on his cheeks was rough and stung slightly at the wetness. He heard Havok running up the stairs and felt him nudge his thigh with his head as he removed his contacts slowly, shakily putting them into the solution. He blinked and sighed in relief at the contact-less feel.

Finn followed Havok blindly to his room and stopped at his stereo to put in what he named his 'Bad Day' mixtape (a red cassette that he could easily make out without his glasses or contacts) and turned the volume up loud. After getting irritated at trying to knock his shoes off his feet, he gave a hard kick making it go flying and hit the wall with a loud bang before dropping to the floor and repeating with the left shoe. He recklessly grabbed at things on his desk and threw them at the wall and let them join his discarded shoe whilst random sheet music and notes flew around before softly swishing back and forth to the floor. He joined Havok, whose paws covered his eyes, on the bed and lay down on his stomach with his head buried in his pillow as he let out a wretched scream. Havok whined and licked Finn's cheek comfortingly before resting his head on Finn's bent elbow.

Mr. Nelson stood in the kitchen staring at the kettle as he made a brew. He wished he could just make everything better for his son so he wouldn't have to go through anything like this ever again. He would always come home and do this after sessions with Kester. And whilst he knew that it was illegal, he wished he could talk to Kester himself about Finn and what was going on so he could try and understand. He's been trying his best to be supportive and the greatest dad to Finn but there was a lot that was out of his reach. The whistle of the kettle brought him out of his stupor. He made sure to grab a large mug and carefully walked it up the stairs to Finn's room and placed it on his night table. He took a moment to look at Finn sadly before he turned and went back downstairs.

Finn slowly sat up and reached for the mug and sipped at it. He looked at Havok lying next to him on his back with his tongue hanging lazily out of his mouth whilst he stared back at him. Finn laughed softly and rubbed his belly as he worked on the tea. He was about three-quarters done and playing tug-of-war with Havok on his bed when the phone rang and his dad yelled that it was Izzy on the line.

"Hiya," she greeted when he picked up.

"Alright, Iz?" His voice was still rather hoarse.

"Film or talk?"

He paused to think. "Film," he said finally.

"See ya in a few," Izzy said softly before hanging up.

He didn't bother with his boots but easily slipped on a pair of ratty plimsolls as he sat on his bed. Havok sat in front of him and laid his head on Finn's knees. Finn gently ran his knuckles from his muzzle to between his eyes before laying his own head atop his pup's.

Swiping a pair of his glasses from his desk, he made his way downstairs where Mr. Nelson was making himself a snack in the kitchen. Finn walked up to him and wrapped him in a hug around the waist.

"Love you, Da'," he said as his dad held Finn's head to his shoulder and pressed a kiss to his hair as he stood another eight inches taller.

"Love you too, m'boy."

"Can I borrow the car? It's annoying wearing glasses with the helmet on."

"I don't know if I want you driving while you're like this, Finn. What about I drive you instead?" he offered.

Finn shook his head. "I'll be fine," he said. "I'm fine."

Mr. Nelson sighed and nodded. "Ring me when you get there and before you leave. You gonna be home for tea?"

"Yeah."

Before Finn got his licence, he was just like any other teenager. He couldn't wait for the day until he could just drive himself instead of having to rely on his dad or public transport to get from place to place. However, that honeymoon phase wore of quickly when he was constantly waiting at red lights and stop signs and the long road trips just kept getting longer and longer. He still couldn't get to places fast enough and found driving a nuisance. Except when on the motorcycle and could bypass traffic and laugh at those sat waiting.

Today was another one of those days. He wished he could just snap his fingers and be at Izzy's as he slowed for yet another stop during the five minute drive to her house. That should be something. Not teleporting per se but just… twist a wand, think of where you want to be and then _BAM_! There you are. Wand twisting is optional, of course, but maybe for a bit of flare. They should put that in a book.

Finn rolled his eyes at himself and his senseless (yet creative) inner dialogue as he slowed to a stop outside Izzy's house. He didn't get to knock before the door was thrown open and he was wrapped in the umpteenth hug of the day. But he didn't mind. As much as he didn't like people touching him, there were always a few exceptions – just like those with access to know who Finn really is (or to put it rather sappy-like: those who he let in his heart).

He thought that the whole talking-with-his-hands thing was similar to touching. He was generally quiet but when he did blabber on, he used his hands to be more expressive; he wasn't keen on being touched, but he showed affection with his body – at least, with the girls; not so much with Chop and Archie. One thing he craved for from a relationship was touch. To hold on and never let go.

So when Izzy threw her arms around him, he reciprocated enthusiastically and planted a kiss to her head.

"I love your eyes," she said causing him to blush. "I wish you didn't wear those contacts all the time."

"My eyes are weird." She shook her head at him.

"How are ya, babes?" she asked as she led him into her bedroom where she had a film already set to play in the VCR.

"Not the greatest," he answered honestly as he made his way onto Izzy's bed and atop her purple and black duvet. "What are we watching?"

He wasn't unfamiliar to Izzy's house or her room. In fact, this was sort of a tradition the two had formed; the same night of Finn's therapy, they'd crash for a few hours at either house.

She grabbed the popcorn from her desk and made her way to join Finn on the bed. "I couldn't decide," she shrugged. "Ended up doing eenie-meenie until it ended on _Clueless_."

Finn raised a brow and looked at her suspiciously as he snagged a handful of popcorn. "And what did it _really_ land on?"

She sighed and dropped her shoulders making him laugh. "Indiana Jones," she mumbled.

"That's what I thought," he said. "Go change it, brat. _Temple of Doom_."

"_Figa_," he heard her say under her breath.

"Watch your mouth!" he admonished.

(He grinned proudly when her back was turned.)

It was when the trio had found tunnels when Izzy couldn't hold back and wanted to bring up his session.

"How bad was it?" she asked quietly.

Finn pursed his lips and thought before responding. "I hate crying," he answered, feeling pathetic. His eyes were still focused on the screen though his head was filled with replays of earlier.

Izzy tried to change the mood. "What do you think about Rae?" she asked excitedly as she poked him in the side causing him to squirm.

He was smiling again. He just couldn't help it. Although he'd definitely rather his head be filled with the image of her iridescent eyes and hypnotizing voice instead of Kester and his elephant ears that Finn could _swear_ had some crazy James Bond device that enabled him to hear his patients' thoughts in order to make them weep hysterically at every therapy session.

Izzy gasped and poked him again. "You like her!" she exclaimed.

Finn stilled. "No," he said tersely.

"C'mon, babes. I know you better than that. You like Rae, don't ya?" Finn spared her a glance and was awarded with a bright white grin and wide eyes.

"I don't, okay?"

"But what about her long, silky black hair? You know you want to run your hands through it!" She stopped and looked down at her own hands. "Hell, _I _want to run my hands through it. It looks so soft."

"I can't like her! Okay?" he exploded at her.

Izzy was taken aback. "Why not?"

"Because I can't get attached when things are going to end badly!" Ugh. It was just like earlier.

"What do you mean, Finn?" she put her hand on his arm.

"I just can't! Nothing lasts forever so why bother try starting something?"

"Because there is no such thing as forever! It doesn't exist except as an ideal! That's why it's 'til death do us part.' There are animals like the wolves, for example, that mate for life. Humans are always looking for something so perfect, so ideal that they complicate things; and no, sometimes it doesn't last but you have to give it a shot. If we hadn't developed speech, if we hadn't created this ideal of 'love' then we wouldn't worry about this crap. But we did! So you have to go through trial and error until you find your '_forever'_, if you ever even _do_ find it. So don't feed me this bullshit, Finnigan Seamus Nelson!"

Finn stared at her with wide blue and green eyes whilst she took a breath and grabbed a handful of popcorn from the bowl.

"Go Izzy," she said to herself as she tossed a piece in her mouth, her attention focused back on the film.

"She's brilliant," he whispered. "She's funny and has a wicked taste in music." He turned sharply and pointed a finger at her. "Dare you ever say that to anyone, I shall outright deny it."

"You know I'd never do that."

He sighed. "Yeah, I know."

"What are ya gonna do?"

"I'm going to try and be her friend," he decided.


End file.
